Crack....It Does A Body Good

So my mom calls me this morning talking about my family down south. I'm halfway listening to her because as usual, they're engaging in tomfoolery of some sort. So she's talking and talking and then she says something to the effect of " This fool sittin around eatin crack"---------->me:Wha?

EATING CRACK?!?!?

Yes, she says, "You didn't know that?" WHY WOULD I KNOW THAT?!?!? She continues...."Yes, child, hes been eating crack for years. Like 10 years. I thought you knew that?" Again, why would I know that.

Me: How do you eat crack.?
Mom:He sucks on it like candy until it dissolves
Me:Bwhahahahahaha What the hell. You're playing.
Mom. No! I'm serious. I don't know why he's still alive. I'm surprised he hasn't gone into cardiac arrest or something.
Me: You're lying. Nobody eats crack.
Mom: I'm telling you that's how he does it and has been doing it for years.
Me: Bwahahahahaha. So he never smoked it?
Mom: I guess at one point, but I guess he just likes eating it now.
Me: Bwahahahahahaha Can I even call him a crackhead?
Mom: I guess you could still consider him a crackhead. Yea, he's a crackhead.

Anyway, that was just maybe the funniest thing I've heard all day. She told me not to tell anyone. Who cares about some country bumpkin who sits around suckin on crack like its a Sucrets or sumthin??? Plus only about 2 people read my blog anyway, so I hope you enjoyed this story. Deuces!

Hurricane Ike

So I just got off my favorite website BallerAlert talkin about that damn Larry "Crunchbar" Johnson. That shit was funny...but that's another post.

So, I'm lookin at coverage of hurricane Ike and the damn weatherman is standin out in the damn hurricane blowin around and shit. These muthafuckas in the newsroom talkin bout keep your head up. How the fuck this nigga sposed to keep his head up billowin around in a damn hurricane as big as the state of Texas. Now this idiot standin out in the rain talkin bout aint no sense in bein out here. HE'S OUT THERE! WTF!?!? LMFAO A fan blade just flew past this dumb ass man. White people are crazy and funny at the same time

My prayers go out to the state of Texas and anyone who has a loved one on the gulf coast. That is all


INSOMNIA

I have learned that I do my time tables in my sleep. I don't know what that's about, I guess it's like counting sheep. I don't know. I'm a weirdo. I was gonna write about how I cancelled a friendship today but I'm so over that. Can my 2 faithful readers give me any suggestions on how to go to sleep??? I read somewhere that insomnia is a mind thing..duuuhhh Some "expert" said it comes from worrying and stress. I guess I have a little stress...I dunno. I guess it would help if I didn't sleep so late. It's a good thing I'm drug free because I'd probably be in here strung out and no one would know until I'm dead and they find a skeleton. That is all for now

THE LIFE OF THE PARTY

So we went out last night. We got slizzard.lmao I thought I was drunker than someone else but apparently not! But I'm not even gonna talk about that. Anyway, there's a certain promoter that I've known for years who keeps threatening me with his penis. I'm tempted to take him up on his offer but I don't like his chest hair and I think that I would be tempted to yank out each pubic like strand while doing the deed. I know that he is packing from fondling in the past....like ten year ago fondling, but nevertheless (is that a word?) we fondled and I was afraid of large penises back then. If he shaved his chest, I might hit that but I think he thinks it's sexy......Bwhahahaha. Anyway, the usual suspects were in the building aka The Redskins. They make me so mad sometimes. Don't get me wrong I'm all about my hometeam and we even saw some of the guys we're cool with but sometimes I just wanna yank them all up and say "WHEN YOU MOTHERFUCKER'S GET ON A WINNING STREAK THEN YOU COME FUCK AROUND IN THE CLUB, UNTIL THEN STAY YO ASSES IN THE HOUSE AND WATCH SOME REELS! So anyway, a certain cutie-patootie married player was giving me the eye and then he made his way over to me and flirted...I think. I never know about these things but I digress, he came over and flirted (I think), I smiled and continued partying in my own little Patron Margarita induced haze. The big homey told me I was crazy and I should've said something to him. Whatevs. I'm not really kicking myself because he's a married dog...woof woof. He needs to go flirt with his damn playbook....

BACK LIKE I LEFT SUM'N...EARLY!!!

Okay I'm back you bitches! I'm gonna write about what I feel, things that have happened to me and other random stuff. Names will NOT be changed to protect the guilty.I curse. I'm rude. I dont really give a fuck about people in general unless I know you, and then I hafta like you to care. I dont give a shit about what people think. You're always gonna have speculators and haters so there's no point in tryin to be a people pleaser. I'm like licorice...either you love me or you hate me.....there is no in-between. I'm an Asshole By Nature (ABN), you'll see soon enough. Oh and click the ads people. There will be more to come (ads that is) and I'm not typing for my health you fuckers!